History Repeating: THE THING about Bad Reviews

The reviews for the prequel/remake of John Carpenter's The Thing are starting to come in. Is anyone else getting a strong feeling of deja vu here? Some THING strange is going on.

On the eve of its release, the 2011 version of The Thing is already garnering plenty of negative criticism from mainstream critics and horror critics. Funnily enough, I'm reminded of how Carpenter's The Thing was also raked over the coals and considered a flop even though it's now held as a classic of horror in the 80s.

No one can predict whether The Thing (prequel) is cursed to repeat the history of Carpenter's version, but I have noticed something peculiar going on. In particular, let's look at Vincent Canby's 1982 review of Carpenter's film for The New York Times and compare it to Brad Miska's review of the prequel for Bloody Disgusting. In both, the critics are complaining about essentially the exact same things. See for yourself.

TOO MUCH MONSTER SCREEN TIME

THE THING (1982) - "Like all such movies that don't trust themselves to keep an audience interested by legitimate dramatic means, ''The Thing'' shows us too much of ''the thing'' too soon, so that it has no place to go" (CANBY)

THE THING (2011) - "Early in The Thing, the initial creature is barely displayed. . . . Only, as the minutes pass, the filmmakers feel the need to show more and more causing an alarming amount of CGI to vomit across the screen" (MISKA)

UNREALISTIC SPECIAL EFFECTS

THE THING (1982) - "[The Thing], which opens today at the Rivoli and other theaters, is too phony looking to be disgusting. It qualifies only as instant junk." (CANBY)

THE THING (2011) - "[T]here's literally a full-on CG shot of the creature standing 12 feet tall. It looked like something out of "Gears of War" or "Doom", like re-rendered video game footage. . . . Universal's new The Thing already looks more dated than Carpenter's, and it's not even in theaters as of this writing!" (MISKA)

NO STORY TO SUPPORT EFFECTS

THE THING (1982) - "a virtually storyless feature composed of lots of laboratoryconcocted special effects" (CANBY)

THE THING (2011) - "2011 crap that's nothing more than a boring CGI promo-reel" (MISKA)

WEAK ACTING

THE THING (1982) - "Kurt Russell, Richard Dysart, A. Wilfred Bramley, T.K. Carter, Peter Maloney, David Clennon and other worthy people appear on the screen, but there's not a single character to act. All that the performers are required to do is to react with shock and terror from time to time" (CANBY)

THE THING (2011) - "It even sucks for the actors (and causes weak performances) because with CG there isn't anything physical for them to react to" (MISKA)

THE ORIGINAL IS BETTER

THE THING (1982) - "For the record, it should be immediately pointed out that this new film bears only a superficial resemblance to Howard Hawks's 1951 classic ''The Thing,'' though both were inspired by the same source material, John W. Campbell Jr.'s story ''Who Goes There?'' The Hawks film . . . is something of a masterpiece of understatement. It's also funny. The new ''Thing'' has been written with no great style by Bill Lancaster and directed by Mr. Carpenter without apparent energy or the ability to share his interest with us." (CANBY)

THE THING (2011) - "Everything that was great about the 1982 version (it was a small, claustrophobic film with strong characters and awesome special effects) is ignored" (MISKA)

Now I ask you, is history repeating? Or did they watch the same damn movie?

Let the Right Remake In

This article originally appeared in the December-January 2010 issue of the zine Scream Scene, but as we move closer to the release of the high-profile Nightmare on Elm Street remake, I thought I'd repost it to explain how I feel about horror remakes

As I settled in with a few beers to write an opinion article for this issue of Scream Scene, I learned that the American remake of the brilliant and beautiful Swedish vampire film Let the Right One In had just gone into production. Entitled Let Me In, the American remake of Let the Right One In moves the location from Sweden to America. According to the filmmakers, the movie will “forge a unique identity for Let Me In, placing it firmly in an American context.” In other words, they are going to dumb it down and play to the lowest common denominator as usual. Just look at what Rob Zombie did to Halloween.

I was so pissed off at the thought of what an American version of Let the Right One In might look like that I couldn’t bring myself to write anything that wasn’t a beer-fueled tirade. So, to take my mind off the infuriating number of horror remakes coming out of Hollywood, I went riffling through my DVD collection to find a good and original movie to watch. As a result, I came upon one of my favorite movies of all time: The Fly. David Cronenberg’s The Fly. The Fly remake.

It was then that I realized that, at my core, I am a blustering hypocrite when it comes to remakes. For all the spite I throw at horror remakes, some of my favorite sci-fi / horror films are remakes. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978), The Thing (1982), The Blob (1988), Night of the Living Dead (1990), Dawn of the Dead (2008)—I consider all of these films to be good or great movies. So what does this mean? Am I actually in favor of remakes?

Let’s be clear: I still don’t like the idea of remakes. Worse than sequels, remakes are often cash grabs that allow major studios to recycle ideas, plots, and characters with little originality or innovation. Often times, such as with the upcoming Hellraiser and Nightmare on Elm Street remakes, the original films still stand the test of time and don’t require a remake, reboot, or “reimagining.” Thankfully, when the remakes of high-caliber films turn out to suck, at least the original films are still accessible to the public. The same cannot be said for foreign-language films remade in North America. For example, Spanish-language horror film REC was remade into Quarantine in 2008. Quarantine’s characters, plot, pacing, and even sets were almost exactly the same as those in REC, yet the remake failed to replicate the original’s charm. Sony could have just released REC to the public if they weren’t afraid audiences would be turned off by subtitles. Therefore, not only does Quarantine get to make bank off the story and characters from the original film while assuming an American audience needs a “dumbed down” story, the original writers Jaume Balagueró, Luis Berdejo, and Paco Plaza remain virtual unknowns. REC was released by Sony several months after Quarantine hit DVD, but the REC DVD was released to little promotional fanfare.

I have a significant beef with remakes, yet I’ve come to realize that as much as I hate the idea of remakes it’s not fair to attack remakes themselves until they’re released. While the majority of remakes have been tepid and shallow, every remake has the potential to be another The Fly or The Thing. Despite every instinct I have otherwise, Let Me In may turn out to be an even more dazzling and beautiful take on the vampire genre than the original Let the Right One In.

Regardless, there are three things fans can do to offset the effect of terrible remakes.

1.) Don’t go see every horror remake that comes out. If you do, you help fuel the remake hype machine with your dollars. Even if you’re disappointed upon leaving the theatre, you’ve helped turn a shitty movie into “The #1 Movie in Canada” for a weekend. Wait to hear some word of mouth before you fork over your hard-earned cash.

2.) Support independent and foreign horror. At the same time as I caution you against indiscriminate consumption of horror remakes, do not be content with Hollywood’s attempt to sell you stuff you’ve seen before. If you want to take a risk, take a risk on something foreign and independent when you go to the video store. There are a host of great independent features and foreign films that deserve to be seen. Even if you don’t like the films, at least you’re rewarding originality

3.) See the originals. Whether you like or dislike a remake, take the time to seek out the original film. It may be old, it may be foreign, or it may be independent, but if a remake was intriguing enough to get your butt into the theatre or to get a DVD into your player, seek out the original film(s) .

In short, I’ve learned not to rage against specific remakes until I’ve seen them. I like too many horror remakes to say that all remakes suck.