A blog exploring the sexy, shocking, surreal, and silly side of horror films.

May 13, 2010

Lucky Punk Co. & Black Casket Giveaway @ ObscureHorror

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Obscurehorror.com is hosting a contest in which you can win some spooky accessories from Lucky Punk Co. & Black Casket Creations

(1) One lucky ObscureHorror.com visitor will be chosen.

The Winner will receive:

(1) One "Purple Bat" Necklace from Lucky Punk Co.
&
(1) One "Purple Bat on Spiderwebs" Hair Bow from Black Casket Creations.

To enter, e-mail
ADMIN@OBSCUREHORROR.COM

with the following subject heading:

"Black Casket/Lucky Punk Co. Giveaway"
and the following info:

- Your full legal name -
- Full mailing address -
- Your e-mail address-
- And say why you want to win these awesome gifts from these
Extraordinary Creepy and Ghoulie Boutiques-


The winner will be chosen randomly on May 14th, 2010.
Only one entry per person.
Contest open to everyone in the world!!!
 

May 10, 2010

SCREAMWAVE #2

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The screams keep on rolling when Aaron and Kris delve into their night terrors for a review of A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010). Then they go to "Earth and Beyond" in search of the truth behind the Myakka Skunk Ape photos.

DIRECT DOWNLOAD (49:30)
SUBSCRIBE on iTUNES

Original music by Nathan Fleet (www.nathanfleet.com)

Show Notes
Horror in the Hammer
Loren Coleman: Myakka Skunk Ape Photos
Bigfootencounters: Tracking Myakka's Wily Skunk Ape (Hoax)
Cryptomundo
The Zed Word: Zombie Blog
Monster Chiller Horror Theatre
Kristopher’s Portfolio

May 6, 2010

SCREAMWAVE PODCAST -- First Episode


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I'm on a horror podcast now. Through Horror in the Hammer, I'm a co-host of a new horror podcast called SCREAMWAVE. In our first episode, we discuss Clive Barker’s classic horror film Hellraiser (1987). Then in our “Earth and Beyond” segment, Kris and I discuss the Philadelphia Experiment, a conspiracy theory / urban legend regarding alleged scientific experiments involving the USS Elridge in 1943.

SUBSCRIBE on iTUNES

Music by Nathan Fleet (www.nathanfleet.com)

Show Notes
Horror in the Hammer
The Zed Word: Zombie Blog
Monster Chiller Horror Theatre
Kristopher’s Portfolio

May 2, 2010

Freddy Krueger: To Catch a Predator

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TRANSCRIPT

CHRIS HANSEN (voice over) over montage: Since 2005, To Catch a Predator has worked tirelessly to expose the dangers of online predators in America by outing and identifying sex offenders who want to hurt your children. To Catch a Predator has helped wake up America to the dangers of the internet and the easy access sexual predators have to your children online and in your own homes! But we haven't done enough. There is still a place even more inaccessible to parents than the internet where predators dwell: in your child's own dreams! Dateline NBC has sent me, Chris Hansen, to Elm Street in the suburb of Springwood, Ohio where we've set up an undercover operation in a young teen's dreams to see if we can't . . . catch a predator.

INT. NANCY'S ROOM. NIGHT. 

FADE IN on a Nancy sleeping in her bed. Camera PANS UP to wall behind her bed as the form of a GLOVE with FOUR FINGER BLADES PUSHES THROUGH THE WALL PAPER . The knife blades SLASH through the wall paper and BOILING RED LIGHT pours out of the wall, back-lighting a SHADOWY FIGURE wearing a FEDORA and a GLEAMING BLADED GLOVE who steps through the hole in the wall. Standing with a leg on either side of Nancy's head, the shadowy figure SQUATS DOWN OVER NANCY and RAISES HIS BLADES over her



SHADOWY FIGURE: Har-har-har. Sweet screams Nancy...

BEFORE the figure can plunge the bades into Nancy's neck, THE ROOM IS FLOODED WITH LIGHT revealing a television crew: cameras, boom mics, and host Chris Hansen sitting by the bed. 

The SHADOWY FIGURE is revealed to be a short, burned man in a dirty red and green striped sweater. He raises his glove to his eyes, a look of GUILTY SHOCK on his face.


CHRIS HANSEN: I see you've made yourself at home. Mind if I ask you what you're doing in a 16 year old girl's dreams?

BURNED MAN: Who? What? I, uhhh, I'm the gardener.

CHRIS HANSEN: Gardening in a young girl's dreams? Mind explaining how that works?

BURNED MAN: Well, uuuhhh, you see.....I'm a dreamscaper and...

CHRIS HANSEN: Why are you so nervous, sir? You were hired by this girl's parents, weren't you?

BURNED MAN: Yes.

CHRIS HANESEN: No, I don't think so. I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline's TO CATCH A PREDATOR. We were asked here by local parents who suspected some unusual dream activity.

The BURNED MAN slinks off the bed and starts to MOVE FOR THE DOOR.

BURNED MAN: I must have the wrong dream....

CHRIS HANSEN: Why don't you have a seat over there.

BURNED MAN: Well.....

CHRIS HANSEN: Just over there for a second.

After a PAUSE the BURNED MAN plops down SHEEPISHLY on a stool

CHRIS HANSEN: How can you explain being in the wrong dream when you said Nancy's name just then? By the way, what is your name, sir? 

BURNED MAN: ....... Jason Voorhees.

CHRIS HANSEN: No, I don't think so.

BURNED MAN: Rorshach?

CHRIS HANSEN: Try again.

Tight-lipped, THE BURNED MAN LOOKS AWAY, attempting to CONCEAL behind his back the BLADED GLOVE

CHRIS HANSEN: We have testimonials from other local children who say they've seen you in their dreams, sir. And I quote, "One, two, Freddy's coming for you. Three, four, lock the door." Does that ring a bell at all?

BURNED MAN: This is a mistake.

CHRIS HANSEN: Well, we also have some dream chat logs here if you'd like me to read those. Did you not say in Nancy's dream on April 30th, and I quote, "Wanna suck face?" and "I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy?" Listen, Mr. Krueger, I think we both know who you are why you're here. And it's not gardening.

FREDDY KRUEGER: You don't understand. See, they're all my children and...

CHRIS HANSEN: All your children? So you've done this before? How many times?

FREDDY KRUEGER: No, I mean, yes, I mean -- you're twisting my words.

CHRIS HANSEN: Your story doesn't add up, Fred. Is this what you do with your time? Cruising the dreams of young girls and boys making lewd puns and unsolicited appearances? And what is it you've brought with you today? That, there, behind your back. May we see?


CHRIS HANSEN: My, that's a nasty piece of work. Are you going to tell me this is for gardening, Mr. Krueger?


FREDDY KRUEGER: I wasn't planning to do anything with it.

CHRIS HANSEN: But didn't you say, "Why are you screaming? I haven't even cut you yet!" Are these not your words? Do you see how this doesn't make sense?

FREDDY KRUEGER: Belive me, I'm as surprised as you are. I'm innocent. What do you think I did? I didn't do it! Listen, I'm not even the guy. I'm the new guy. This is my first day; you want that other pizza-faced---

CHRIS HANSEN: Let me stop you there. You were going to come here into this young girl's dreams, touch her sexually with this bladed glove of yours, and maybe drop in a quick one-liner before mutilating her body. Weren't you? And did you just say there was another guy? Do you work in teams? Are we busting up a child predator dream-ring here?

FREDDY KRUEGER: I think I'm going to go now.

CHRIS HANSEN: You've been free to go all this time. If you have anything else to say, however, we'd like to hear it.

FREDDY KRUEGER materializes a portal to a BOILER ROOM and slips away quickly



CHRIS HANSEN (voice over) over closing credits: I've been doing this for a while now, but it never amazes me what these guys think they can get away with. They come into a minor's dreams, we have dream logs -- and that's evidence -- but they always try to deny it. Unfortunately, it's hard to keep a hold of these dream killers. The most we can do is get their gruesome faces out there on TV so parents and kids can be made aware that no place is safe anymore. Not even our dreams.

END TRANSCRIPT

A Nightmare on Elm Street - 2010 (Review)


A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) 
Director: Samuel Bayer

If Freddy Krueger were real, he'd kill a majority of the people who see the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street.

He wouldn't kill them because he's angry that the remake is uninspired and unimaginative (although it is). He wouldn't kill them because the actors are flat and mopey (although they are). He wouldn't kill them because the film  rips off iconic visuals and scenes from the original movie while simultaneously sucking all the dread and surreal dream-like qualities out of them (which it does). No, Freddy would slaughter people attending A Nightmare on Elm Street 2010 because most of them are going to be asleep.

A Nightmare on Elm Street is a tired and unsuspenseful collection of jump-scares stuck together by melodramatic acting from lifeless characters. Except for Jackie Earle Haley as Krueger, who turns in a truly unnerving performance as a supernatural child rapist, this remake is more of a sedative than a a nightmare jolting you out of your seat.

SYNOPSIS

After the apparent suicide of one of their classmates, high-schoolers Kris (Katie Cassidy), Jesse (Thomas Dekker), Nancy (Rooney Mara), and Quentin (Kyle Gallner) discover they are all having dreams in which they are being tormented by a mysterious burned man wielding a menacing bladed glove. Also, they soon realize, if they die in their dreams then they die in reality. With time running out, they begin to uncover the mystery of the dream-world killer's identity by following the clues left in their dreams -- clues that suggest these teens share a forgotten childhood past being covered up by their parents.


Rating: 1.5 / 5 Blonde Yawns


I'm fairly unforgiving of remakes. If you are going to remake a film and an iconic character that still hold up today (the original Nightmare is still an effective and atmospheric film), you better be prepared to bring something new, fresh, and inventive to the remake. The new A Nightmare on Elm Street fails at almost every chance to be fresh and new. Whole sequences and scenes are ripped off from the original film whereas the new dream-world visuals (a bedroom covered in snow and a burned out class room) are pretty unremarkable.

 
This dazed expression is pretty much the look Nancy
wears for the entire movie, regardless of the situation

The film is also riddled with structural and script problems. We begin the film focused on Kris (played by Supernatural's Katie Cassidy). Cassidy's a decent actress, and it's her character who we identify with and follow. She witnesses the first death of the film and suspects it's more than suicide, so she begins to make connections between her dreams and clues that she and her classmates share a common past with Krueger that they do not remember. But, if you've seen the trailers or any of the promotional stills, you know she's brutally murdered in her sleep ala Tina's death in the original Nightmare. The first half-hour of the film suggests the movie's going to be Kris's story, but then the film shifts focus to Nancy (who has so far been little more than a side-character). Played by Rooney Mara, Nancy is flat, mopey, and completely bland. Unfortunately, she and Quentin, her puffy-eyed emo love interest, become our main characters for the rest of the film. Perhaps this wouldn't be so bad with a better script, but the dialogue is exceptionally flat and tedious. Lots of exposition. Lots of repetition. No flare of wit or endearing sincerity. Bor-ing. The film takes itself way too seriously without the acting chops and atmosphere to back it up.

"Aaaaaaah! I dreamed I gave up working on Supernatural for
the role in an uncharismatic remake. Oh shit."

IS IT SHOCKING?


The only light in this tepid remake is the disturbing performance by Jackie Earle Haley as Freddy Krueger. Before we talk about Haley's successes, however, I need to explain that for the majority of the film he's not really allowed to shine as brightly as I think he could. You see, for the majority of the film's running time, Krueger is used as a simple jump-scare monster. Krueger can appear at any time and in any place while the teens are "awake" because the film introduces the plot device of "micro-naps." Essentially, the idea is that the longer the kids stay awake, the more often their brains will fall into "micro-naps" -- a state of waking sleep -- in an attempt to recharge the brain. Therefore, like a Japanese ghost from something out of The Grudge, Freddy is then used as a device to deliver about a bazillion lame jump-scares.

Eventually, however, we get some prolonged exposure to Freddy in the third act as he torments Nancy in the dream world. And he is FUCKING CREEPY. In the original films, it was suggested that Freddy was a child rapist, but there's not avoiding this fact in the remake. Freddy is presented in an incredibly sexual and leering manner. He's sadistic, cruel, and menacing. He still finds time to crack some dry quips, but the real shocking part of this movie is how far the filmmakers pushed Freddy as a sick, heavy-breathing pedophile. This, and only this, really makes the film worth seeing. Freddy has never so effectively made me fear the touch of his blade.


Not even Chris Hansen can protect you from this predator

Avoid A Nightmare on Elm Street in the theaters. It will be on DVD soon enough. I can justify seeing Haley's performance on DVD, but the idea of spending $12-$20 to see this boring mess in the theater is the real nightmare. Don't make the same mistake I did!

Death Spa-- Cover Criticism

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Now that I posted about Death Spa (review), let's look at its VHS box art. Will it be classic, characterless, or criminal?


Verdict: CLASSIC!

I love this box art! Like the movie, the art is so ridiculously fun and indicative of the the movie's tone but also 80's cheese. Although painted with a sense of depth and form, there's nothing particularly amazing about the composition except for the utter incongruity of the elements. When I look at this art, I can't help but think it shows a scene in which He-Man and a transgendered Skeletor have decided to visit Hell's spa. While He-Man is in the background being ass-tortured by an evil Pec Deck, transgender Skeletor is in the foreground feeling the burn as she sculpts a sexy butt and legs to go with her new female body. Although this art is ridiculous, look at the attention to colour. From the foreground to the background we move from the cool and deathly whites, greys, and blues to a higher saturation of infernal reds, browns, and oranges. Compare this to the omnipresence of blue filters and dull digital sheen that's slapped on most modern DVD art. The Death Spa box art is definitely a classic, and I want it as a poster.

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