A blog exploring the sexy, shocking, surreal, and silly side of horror films.

May 2, 2010

Freddy Krueger: To Catch a Predator

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CHRIS HANSEN (voice over) over montage: Since 2005, To Catch a Predator has worked tirelessly to expose the dangers of online predators in America by outing and identifying sex offenders who want to hurt your children. To Catch a Predator has helped wake up America to the dangers of the internet and the easy access sexual predators have to your children online and in your own homes! But we haven't done enough. There is still a place even more inaccessible to parents than the internet where predators dwell: in your child's own dreams! Dateline NBC has sent me, Chris Hansen, to Elm Street in the suburb of Springwood, Ohio where we've set up an undercover operation in a young teen's dreams to see if we can't . . . catch a predator.


FADE IN on a Nancy sleeping in her bed. Camera PANS UP to wall behind her bed as the form of a GLOVE with FOUR FINGER BLADES PUSHES THROUGH THE WALL PAPER . The knife blades SLASH through the wall paper and BOILING RED LIGHT pours out of the wall, back-lighting a SHADOWY FIGURE wearing a FEDORA and a GLEAMING BLADED GLOVE who steps through the hole in the wall. Standing with a leg on either side of Nancy's head, the shadowy figure SQUATS DOWN OVER NANCY and RAISES HIS BLADES over her

SHADOWY FIGURE: Har-har-har. Sweet screams Nancy...

BEFORE the figure can plunge the bades into Nancy's neck, THE ROOM IS FLOODED WITH LIGHT revealing a television crew: cameras, boom mics, and host Chris Hansen sitting by the bed. 

The SHADOWY FIGURE is revealed to be a short, burned man in a dirty red and green striped sweater. He raises his glove to his eyes, a look of GUILTY SHOCK on his face.

CHRIS HANSEN: I see you've made yourself at home. Mind if I ask you what you're doing in a 16 year old girl's dreams?

BURNED MAN: Who? What? I, uhhh, I'm the gardener.

CHRIS HANSEN: Gardening in a young girl's dreams? Mind explaining how that works?

BURNED MAN: Well, uuuhhh, you see.....I'm a dreamscaper and...

CHRIS HANSEN: Why are you so nervous, sir? You were hired by this girl's parents, weren't you?


CHRIS HANESEN: No, I don't think so. I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline's TO CATCH A PREDATOR. We were asked here by local parents who suspected some unusual dream activity.

The BURNED MAN slinks off the bed and starts to MOVE FOR THE DOOR.

BURNED MAN: I must have the wrong dream....

CHRIS HANSEN: Why don't you have a seat over there.

BURNED MAN: Well.....

CHRIS HANSEN: Just over there for a second.

After a PAUSE the BURNED MAN plops down SHEEPISHLY on a stool

CHRIS HANSEN: How can you explain being in the wrong dream when you said Nancy's name just then? By the way, what is your name, sir? 

BURNED MAN: ....... Jason Voorhees.

CHRIS HANSEN: No, I don't think so.

BURNED MAN: Rorshach?

CHRIS HANSEN: Try again.

Tight-lipped, THE BURNED MAN LOOKS AWAY, attempting to CONCEAL behind his back the BLADED GLOVE

CHRIS HANSEN: We have testimonials from other local children who say they've seen you in their dreams, sir. And I quote, "One, two, Freddy's coming for you. Three, four, lock the door." Does that ring a bell at all?

BURNED MAN: This is a mistake.

CHRIS HANSEN: Well, we also have some dream chat logs here if you'd like me to read those. Did you not say in Nancy's dream on April 30th, and I quote, "Wanna suck face?" and "I'm your boyfriend now, Nancy?" Listen, Mr. Krueger, I think we both know who you are why you're here. And it's not gardening.

FREDDY KRUEGER: You don't understand. See, they're all my children and...

CHRIS HANSEN: All your children? So you've done this before? How many times?

FREDDY KRUEGER: No, I mean, yes, I mean -- you're twisting my words.

CHRIS HANSEN: Your story doesn't add up, Fred. Is this what you do with your time? Cruising the dreams of young girls and boys making lewd puns and unsolicited appearances? And what is it you've brought with you today? That, there, behind your back. May we see?

CHRIS HANSEN: My, that's a nasty piece of work. Are you going to tell me this is for gardening, Mr. Krueger?

FREDDY KRUEGER: I wasn't planning to do anything with it.

CHRIS HANSEN: But didn't you say, "Why are you screaming? I haven't even cut you yet!" Are these not your words? Do you see how this doesn't make sense?

FREDDY KRUEGER: Belive me, I'm as surprised as you are. I'm innocent. What do you think I did? I didn't do it! Listen, I'm not even the guy. I'm the new guy. This is my first day; you want that other pizza-faced---

CHRIS HANSEN: Let me stop you there. You were going to come here into this young girl's dreams, touch her sexually with this bladed glove of yours, and maybe drop in a quick one-liner before mutilating her body. Weren't you? And did you just say there was another guy? Do you work in teams? Are we busting up a child predator dream-ring here?

FREDDY KRUEGER: I think I'm going to go now.

CHRIS HANSEN: You've been free to go all this time. If you have anything else to say, however, we'd like to hear it.

FREDDY KRUEGER materializes a portal to a BOILER ROOM and slips away quickly

CHRIS HANSEN (voice over) over closing credits: I've been doing this for a while now, but it never amazes me what these guys think they can get away with. They come into a minor's dreams, we have dream logs -- and that's evidence -- but they always try to deny it. Unfortunately, it's hard to keep a hold of these dream killers. The most we can do is get their gruesome faces out there on TV so parents and kids can be made aware that no place is safe anymore. Not even our dreams.




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